Reflections of a Father

On a Father's Day, my thoughts drift between my dad, and being a dad. I want to write about my Dad. But it would take me all day to think of the things I want to say. In a recent Facebook status, I wrote "Contemplating Father's Day, and convinced that, at my best, I couldn't carry my Dad's suitcase. But I am ok with that." I wasn't fishing for compliments (but I really appreciate the kind words), but rather stating that I don't think I could ever be the man that my Dad was. I know he had his failings, but I sure didn't see that many or very often. I miss him. A lot.

So bouncing between my father and being a father, I am taking a shortcut and posting things I've already written. The short tribute I wrote for my Dad at his funeral doesn't even come close to saying all that could be said, but I knew that I would have a hard time making it through even a few paragraphs.

Then there are a couple of letters that I recently wrote for Abbey and Rachel. Rachel's note was for her to read at her Confirmation retreat. Abbey's letter was supposed to be read on the bus from the graduation ceremony to the after grad party. I think she eventually read it, but it wasn't on the bus. She was afraid I'd make her cry. While none of these are long in content, they are true to my heart.

I'm a lucky guy. Great parents. Great wife. Great kids. Not bragging. Just appreciating.

Happy Father's Day

For my little girl...

Chelly,

Wow! Hard to believe that my little girl is growing up. You will always be my little girl, but you know that. As I celebrate this weekend, and what it means both in your spiritual and personal growth, I start to reflect on many things. So many things come to mind when I think of my little Chelly:

©      Monkey-chunk

©      Chicka Chicka Boom Boom – “Again!”

©      Doing the conga line dance through the narthex of the old church.

©      I have a sammich and I’m gonna eat it.

©      Squirt

©      The ability to fall asleep at wedding reception while the music blasts away

©      The Lobster Dance

But more than importantly, I think of:

©      Love

©      Kindness

©      Consideration

©      Caring

©      Gentleness

©      Smart

©      Funny

You are all these things and so much more. You are my most precious child, on loan from God. You are God’s child first, mine second. He loves you more than I can ever possibly begin to love you, and that is more than a kabillion chocolate chip cookies. You are sweet young woman. I am very proud of you, today and every day.

I love you!

Daddy

Not the end, but the beginning.

Abbey,

I remember the day that you were born like it was yesterday. Moving down the hall to tell your grandparents the good news, I don’t think my feet hit the floor. That day I thought that I invented fatherhood. My precious little girl, perfect in every way, was a true gift from God.

I remember taking you to day care, and you didn’t want me to leave. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to keep you with me all day. But you went along the way, and when things weren’t to your liking, you made sure they knew it. You had no problem telling Rosemary that it was time to move up.

I remember taking you to your first day of kindergarten. You were ready for school – a bright, inquisitive little girl that loved wolves and action heroes, and the occasional Barbie doll. You moved through grade school never holding back, in learning or saying what’s on your mind.

I remember when you started middle school. I was not ready for that. My baby was growing up. You were no longer interested in super heroes and rough housing with Dad. You had new interests, and boys were starting to take my place in your life. Your desire to learn never waned, and teachers were always quick to point out your gift for learning and for writing. You were well on your way to defining who you would become.

I remember when you started high school. I remember thinking that the day you would graduate is not far off.  How can that be? Can I stop it from happening? Can I keep you with me all of the days? I cannot, and I should not. You have so much more to accomplish. You have worked so hard, and on the day you walk across the stage, with all of the bling draped around your neck, you can be proud that your achievements were never given to you. You have earned them. But also remember that this is not the end, this is the beginning. Your best days will not be left in the halls of Blue Valley North High School. They are yet to be defined.

You are, Abbey, still my precious, perfect little girl. You are still the one to let others know who you are, and what you will accomplish. You are still the one who will never hold back. You are the still the one that, even after college, will always continue to learn. You have so much to give, and so much to receive in return.

I am so proud of you. You have never failed me, never disappointed me, and always make me smile. You will always be my little girl who loved super heroes, wolves, and the crocodile hunter. You will always be my little Boo.

I Love You,

Dad

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.  The other is wings."
 ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

A Father's Legacy

The following was my tribute to my father at his funeral in June 2007:

As I consider my own mortality, I ask myself, “What will be my legacy?” What will people think of when they think of me? That is important to me, as I think it is for most people. In light of losing the most important man in my life, I am proud of the legacy he leaves behind.

I often hear that my dad was proud of his three boys. He saw us as successful. We are a vice-president of a leading sports architecture firm, a vice-president of a leading car rental agency, and a director of global sales for the number 6 company on the Fortune 500 list. But my dad never defined success by a title, or by wealth, or by social status and prominence. His idea of success was defined by character, by family, and by faith. You have heard that my dad was a man of character and of strong work ethic. He embodied the definition of these words and concepts. His words and actions were defined by what is morally right. Anything less than this by the three of us was unacceptable. Although he did not write the golden rule, he definitely lived it. This is his legacy to us, as was his expectation that we will pass this on to the next generation, his grandchildren.

Another important part of his legacy is financial security. He lived his entire life not for the present, but for the future. He knew the importance of fiscal responsibility and for having a secure future. He taught this to me in many ways, including, in the early years of my youth, K-Mart tennis shoes and Sear’s Toughskin jeans instead of Nike’s and Levi’s. For years I have joked about this, and probably always will. But I now know that my mother will live the rest of her life without having to worry about money. She can live comfortably, and enjoy an extravagance or two, and know she is taken care of. I know that is something that the three of us are extremely grateful for.

A man can be defined by his legacy. My father is defined by character, by integrity, by a strong work ethic, by the importance of family, and by faith.

As I mentioned earlier, I have heard it said many times that our father is proud of his boys. Well Dad, your boys are proud of you as well.

Thoughts on a girl that makes her dad proud – EVERY DAY!

Last night Abbey graduated from Blue Valley North High School. This is arguably the best high school in the state of Kansas. Is that at all like being the best ski resort in Jamaica? No. It really is a great school. Abbey was recognized as one of the Top 10 Students (based on GPA) in her class. She is not a National Merit Scholar. She did not have a 36 on the ACT. If she had not been screwed by her freshman AP Chemistry teacher, she could have had a chance at #1 in her class. The point? She is an amazing student that worked very hard for this accomplishment. Is this boasting? I don’t care. She is an amazing young lady. She  makes me proud – EVERY DAY!

Abbey’s best friend also graduated from BVN. I really like Steph. She’s smart. She’s a talented soccer player. She sings with Abbey in Chambers.  If you know her parents it’s not too hard to figure out why she is a fine young lady. Abbey and Steph became good friends in middle school. What I really like and respect about Steph is that she accepted Abbey as a friend unconditionally. This is hard enough to find at any point in our lives, not to mention middle school. Abbey’s closest friends up to then were not what I would call good friends. “J” would be a friend when it was convenient, and would not hesitate to torment others to make herself feel better. Her other "close" friend knew this, and often played in to it. If only this immaturity was limited to middle school. But Steph accepted Abbey for everything she is (and isn’t). We all should have a friend like Steph.

Fortunately, Abbey has cultivated other friends with similar qualities. I am quite certain that the character of a young adult can be equal parts who their friends and who their parents are. Abbey has a great group of friends. If I picked them myself, there is no way I could have done as good of a job. I hope she does not follow in her father’s path and lose contact with most of them. Friends like this are hard to come by. Don’t screw it up by leaving them behind.

As I wrap up this up, I realize I can’t forget the most important person in her life – her amazing mom. They have a unique and wonderful relationship. They are close like a mother and daughter should be. The cool thing here is that it happened before the child becomes an adult. Abbey is way more like me than Peggy. But Abbey is way more the amazing young lady because of Peggy rather than me.

I’d love to end this here and celebrate all that Abbey has done. But I know she is not done. And because of that, I’d ask anyone that bothered to read this to stay tuned. The even more amazing thing about all of this? Abbey has a younger sister with all the talents and smarts as her big sis.

I can't help but ask myself - How did I get so lucky to have two daughters that make me proud - EVERY DAY!