Save Money. Live Better. Dine in Aisle 12

Yesterday I stopped in to Walmart to pick up a couple of things for the week. On the way to check out, the missus noticed the flu shot table was available so she stopped off to get immunized while I checked out.

It was my lucky day as Aisle 2 (Speedy Checkout) was open. As I was pushing the cart in to unloading position, a young lady appeared from nowhere and jumped ahead of me. Granted she only had 3 things, but the point is that had I not noticed her out of the corner of my eye and stopped,  I would have run the cart right up her heels. After she left, I asked the clerk if she worked there. The clerk rolled her eyes and offered an apologetic yes. After paying I headed back to check on the injection process.

Lo and behold but should I see my acquaintance (and Walmart's finest) pulling an empty chair from the flu shot table, plop it into the middle of the aisle, and start munching on her pizza, Snickers bar, and Diet Coke. This was a strategic location as it allowed her to distract the other lady who was removing items from the shelf and then putting them back. Between bites she would look at me with a disapproving glare. I guess she was telling me to mind my own business. So I took a picture.

So while three people waited for their flu shots, they were treated to this exemplary employee telling the story of her trashy cousin's sex life to an overproductive co-worker. And to think I would have missed this if Walmart provided break rooms for their employees!

Taking the SPEED of out "Speedy"

I love working out of my home office. It offers tremendous freedom; freedom to manage my own schedule and succeed in my job. If I am jammed with work, I can manage my family time and work time, and not have to drive 30 minutes each way to get work done. I can drop in the office any time of day, any day of the week; likewise, if I need to run out for an hour in the middle of the day, it’s really no big deal. At least a couple of days a week, I try to get out of the house, I mean office.

It’s not uncommon for me to run out to pick up a few things we need around the house. Today we needed lunch meat, bread, milk, Q-Tips, and cold tablets. Fortunately, Wal-Mart is just a hop skip and a jump away. Their deli meat is actually pretty good, and their baked bread and rolls are off the charts. Seriously! I am not kidding about this. You really need to try it before you start rolling on the floor laughing like that.

I know this may sound shocking as well, but this Wal-Mart is fairly easy to get in and out of between 11 and noon. So getting up there, picking up the necessities, and checking out is normally 30 minutes tops. Not so much today.

The check-out lines were pretty busy today. Fortunately the #1 express lane, also called “Speedy Checkout – 20 Items or Less,” only had 1 person in front me. Darn the luck. Or not.

The lady had approximately 30 items in her cart, not counting the screaming baby. That’s alright; it’ll still be quicker than the other lines. Or not.

The first 5 minutes went something like this:

1.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

2.      Argue with person on the phone.

3.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

4.      Fuss with screaming baby.

5.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

6.      Laugh at the person on the phone.

7.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

8.      Pick pacifier off the floor and jam it back in baby’s mouth.

9.      Repeat steps 1 through 8.

Ok, I’ll admit this may not be 100% correct. I should correctly state that the 1 item on the belt at a time includes each egg from the container, and each soda from the package rather than a dozen eggs and a 12-pack as individual items. No exaggeration here. But even with all of that, I see the bottom of the cart eventually coming in to view. And then she digs in her purse, while talking on the phone, and fussing with the still screaming baby.

Out from the bottom of the purse she pulls a dozen clippings from the local grocery ads. You know, the ones that fall out of the paper every Wednesday. Coincidentally, they also fall out of her hands all over the floor. I guess that Wal-Mart honors competitors’ prices. All you need to do is bring in the ad that is valid for that week. The problem here is that she brought in only clippings of the items she is purchasing, not the entire ad. Now the only good thing that happens next is she finally hangs up the phone.

The clerk informed her that the rule book specifically states, in Article XIX, Paragraph 3, Section 21, that the shopper must present the entire competitor ad to be eligible for said price match offer. This is about the point where she whirls in to her Tasmanian Devil impersonation, which I must say is one of the best I have ever seen. She is demanding that a manager come over and tells that to her face, and that she shops here all the time and never had this problem before, and that this clerk must be new and not have a clue how things work.

Fast forward a few minutes to where she tells the clerk to remove the items he’s not going to price match from her cart, and remove them from her bill. Believe it or not, the other check-out lines have gotten longer. Meanwhile, I’m the only fool sticking it out in this line. Well I own this line just much as she does, and I’m not gonna let her get the best of me by making me load all my crap back in the little blue basket and go start over in another line. No way, no how.

So I gut it out the remaining 5 minutes while she juggles the cell phone that rang right after she tore in to the clerk, and tends to the still fussing baby, who is smelling pretty darn ripe right about now. As she pulls her shopping cart away from the checkout, I really wanted to applaud, both her performance and her departure.

Finally I get to checkout! YES! Now, imagine the look on my face when I realize I suffered one of the pitfalls of working from home. I forgot to put my wallet in my pocket prior to leaving for the office that morning. Awwww sssshhhhhhhhhut the fuhhhhhront door!

So in the end all that entertainment didn’t cost me a dime. And I get the pleasure of a return trip to the great performing stage that is Wal-Mart.