Political Meanderings of Many

‘Tis the Season (to alienate friends on Facebook)

This is the year. The year that you may very well piss off a significant percentage of your friends on Facebook. Why? One word – Politics.

I first logged on to Facebook in 2008. I know that it was prior to the Presidential election because I posted a status that said something like “Politics is not a Right and/or Wrong topic. It’s an opinion.” I was surprised at the number of positive responses that received. One person, a 20-something friend of my nieces (preferred political affiliation unknown) commented that this was the most intelligent thing ever posted on Facebook. And that was the most profound response to the most intelligent thing ever posted on Facebook.

Here we are - 4 years later. The vitriol is in full swing. The most extreme FB posts are from friends that I would consider very intelligent. Some are devout Christians. Some are devout Atheists. Some are just devout. I love them all.

Before anyone thinks that I am on “the other side,” I should establish a foundation of what I believe. I grew up in a Republican household. I am still a member of the Republican Party. I married a unionist Democrat, whom I love more than a million chocolate chip cookies. I live in a red state, and you can’t get more red than my precinct in this red state. I somewhat consider myself a Libertarian, meaning that I really don’t want the government in my face, (or my brain, my shorts, or my wallet) any more than necessary. More than any of the above, I consider myself an intelligent individual that refuses to allow the press, social media, or my friends on Facebook the latitude to think that they can sway my opinion in 30 seconds. My pastor (whom I greatly respect) always tells us” not to check our brains at the door” of the Church. I love that about him. He provides the historical context along with the scriptural foundations of his (and His) message. If we don’t agree, he’ll be glad to discuss. But either way, he expects us to use our brain in the analysis of what he tells us. But that’s religion, and the founding fathers of country admonished us not to combine the two (notice I did NOT say ignore one or the other).

So out of respect of your time, here are some key things that I believe: 

· I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.

· I believe that life is gray, and not black and white. That means that there are very few absolutes of truth, and more degrees of opinion.

· I respect the rights of individuals based on their preference of a same sex relationship. It’s not a choice, and that is one of the few black and white issues I believe.

· I believe that, for the most part, we all worship the same God. Except atheists. I respect your right NOT to worship, but please don’t waste your time trying to convince believers that we are wrong. In turn, I’ll pray for you, but not preach to you. Deal?

· I believe that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That means that every photo, graph, table, or passion-infused monolithic statement someone posts on FB can be countered with 15 minutes (or less) of research on the internet. It only takes 0.8 seconds to click the “share” button on Facebook. The Newtonian response is that it takes only 0.8 seconds for folks to think that you will share the first thing that you agree with that is posted on the internet. Ever consider it may not actually be true?

· I love that the election of Barack Obama symbolizes a partial, but albeit significant, realization of The Dream.

· I do not agree that the above realization should translate to carte blanche socialist changes in our governing system.

· I love that our President can publically worship in church and proclaim “God Bless the United States of America.” I also love that no one is making him (or her), or preventing him (or her) do so.

· I do believe that the government is expected to assist its citizens in times of great need and/or distress.

· I do not believe that my tax dollars should contribute to paying the bill for cable with all the movie channels, an iPhone with full data plan, and various other incentives for those that choose not to actively seek employment.

· I believe that all of society is accountable for meeting the needs of charitable organizations. Society should be recognized and rewarded for doing so, and penalized for not doing so.

· I do not believe that the name Barack is more American or normal than the name Mitt (or Newt). Nor do I believe that we should promote or defend a candidate based on their name.

· I do not always believe in the “are you better off today than you were last election” argument. The fact is that economic cycles are not avoidable. Likewise, impacts from economic policies may take years, if not decades (and Presidential terms), to materialize in positive or negative results.

· I believe that the pay and benefits of soldiers should be tied to performance, and not subject to congressional approval.

· I believe that the pay and benefits of elected officials should be tied to performance, and not subject to congressional approval.

· I believe that all Americans should not be hypocrites by condemning individuals (or corporations) for what they themselves are doing (or would do/not do) to advance the financial status of themselves (or their family).

· I do not believe that officers of publicly held corporations should have extreme financial gain at the extreme financial loss of the shareholders. It’s called accountability.

I know that’s probably more than you wanted to know. But it’s critical for two reasons. The first is the obvious. If I see my FB friends tilting to the “I’m right and you’re wrong” mentality, I may eventually question it. Not to make you feel bad about what you believe, but as a “gentle reminder” that your opinion is only an opinion. And that by posting a link to something that supports your opinion, it does not suddenly become fact.

Lastly, I do not hide behind a label of political or religious classification. Instead I tried to step outside of conventional definitions. I encourage each of you to do the same. If that’s not possible, and if you find my suggestions here offensive, then maybe we agree to disagree (or simply disagree).

Defriended? Unfriended? Any friends left?

So I picked up this blogging thing to bring some clarity to my convoluted mind. It’s helped and I’ve tried to have some fun with it. But having delivered a couple of tirades on a few somewhat controversial topics, the missus thinks I need to dial it back a bit. The missus is ALWAYS right. So as I try to lighten it up, maybe I will even open a window or two, and possibly close a few doors.

I start by saying that I think I am fairly technically savvy, and have come to fully embrace the Facebook experience. I know that that this not for everyone, and not everyone expects the same thing from the Facebook experience. What I find most intriguing about Facebook and social networking in general, is the effect on the human psyche.

Take Friend Requests, for example. Have you ever received a friend request from someone and said, “Who’s that?” So you start poking around their profile, like Sherlock Holmes, looking for clues. It may involve getting out the high school yearbook to see who they “were.” With a little luck you might get to say “Wow, they look really old/fat/bald/gray/(insert physical flaw here)!”  Or you swear that they have either had plastic surgery or are only posting really old photos.

So after uncovering enough evidence, you accept their friend request. Or on the flip side you realize you really didn’t like them 20+ years ago, and you deny their friend request. Or maybe you need to do a little more investigating, and so you send a message to a common friend asking who this person is, how you should know them, and should you accept their request? So for the meantime, you postpone taking any action on the request.

Or maybe you hate to disappoint or hurt anyone (or you really want your friends total really high so you can look/feel popular) and accept every friend request you receive. Did I mention I am intrigued by the inner workings of one’s mind?

But lately I have really been thinking about the other side of the friend request, which is “unfriending” or “defriending.” I recently read an article that discussed which is the right term. The best comment I read was that “unfriending” is removing someone from your friends list. “Defriended” is what can easily happen when they discover your action.

Have you ever unfriended anyone? Do you want to, but have not? November 17^th was declared National Unfriending Day by late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, who declared that friendship should be considered sacred. I think I was unfriended a few times that day. What’s funny is that I didn’t feel unfriended. No pain whatsoever. I was not really sure until recently when I realized I had not seen much from some friends, so I went to their profiles to see what’s going on. Yep, I was unfriended.  I decided to start poking around a little more to see what I am missing. Turns out it was more than a couple.

One was a very distant co-worker that I really was not that close with, had little in common with, and as I think about, couldn’t even tell you who originally friended who. No real loss there. Several others, same story.  We’re not friends anymore? Really? Since when? Was it on November 17^th? Before then?  How dare you unfriend me and I don’t even know it!  I’m sure if I really considered them a friend and could remember who sent who the friend the request to begin with that this would be bother me. But, … (hang on, I’m checking) Nope,... Nothing.  Question for the class: Am I alone in that I am surprised that this was not the hurtful, horrible experience I expected?

One was someone I went to grade school with, and was “unfriended”  since I posted my blog on Religion. Just so happens he was one of the three bears. I guess that when I surmised that no one I know actually reads the crap I post, I was wrong. Well, since he was one of the bears I don’t see eye to eye with, and he unfriended my wife despite a relationship via marriage, I can’t say that I’ll worry about that one much longer than, say, last week.

But, and this is where it gets interesting, two others no longer on my friends list are pastors at my church. (I should add that we have more than a couple of pastor at my church, and these two are husband and wife.) But still, that hurts. Did I offend them somehow and not know it?  I typically don’t care too much what others think of me, and it has served me well so far. But unfriended by my pastors?  I’ll assume that they still think I’m top shelf, as far as casual acquaintances go, but have taken to the recently popular trend of social withdrawal.

This trend involves reducing your friends list to limit access to your information, and to make the experience more manageable and enjoyable.  The way I understand it, each time you log on to Facebook, you unfriend five people until your friends list contains only people you really want to stay connected with. Another approach to the same ends is cancelling your account, going “silent and deep” for a few months, and then restarting with a private profile that no one can see. You seek out the people you really want to communicate with, and friend request them. That is, as long as they also have not also gone silent and deep, rendering them unfindable.

So why unfriend anyone at all? I can think of a few reasons why one might start thinking about it:

1.       Constant status updates (once an hour, or more).

2.       Pointless status updates, usually going beyond what they had for lunch.

3.       Constant game updates and notifications.

4.       Status seekers instead of status updaters.

5.       They are family, and I really don’t want my family knowing my social life.

The list could be 5 times that long, but you get the idea. My response would be – isn’t it much easier to block their feeds and notifications than potentially burn a bridge? I mean unless you really want to risk pissing someone off and are 110% certain that there is no chance that could possibly review your job /mortgage/loan application/tax return/(insert critical document requiring approval here), why not just cure the symptom instead of the cause.  In the end it’s a personal decision, and since Facebook is the ultimate personal web experience, I guess that makes sense.

And now the question, what am I missing?

With that question is an invitation to all my Facebook friends:  if I happen to fall into one of the categories on your Reasons to Unfriend List, then unfriend away! Life is too short to surround yourself people that don’t build you up and encourage you to be a better person. If my posts, or this blog, gives you reason to doubt my presence in your personal circle of trust, then I encourage you to vote me off the island. With over 500 friends, I must have pissed one of you off. So feel free to unfriend me and trust that I won’t be offended. No harm, no foul, no problem. No Christmas card or graduation announcement either, but I don’t think that will bother you too much.

The Religion of the Three Bears

Before I post my first official blog, I would like to clarify a few things:

1.  I write to clear my mind, to try to clarify my thoughts, or to seek input from others to help me understand the “other” side of a topic.

2.  I always welcome comments, but if they get personal, belligerent or offensive, I will delete them. I am not the US Government, and therefore I can trust in God and I can censor anything I choose. Please don’t make me.

3.  Religion (Christianity) is an important part of my life.

4.  My religious beliefs do not require me to check my brain at the door.

5.  In addition to the freedom of religion, people also have the right to be ignorant. It is not expressly stated in the Constitution, but implied in various places. Do not even try to deny them this right. This applies to the religious and non-religious.

6.  Everyone has the right to express their opinion, and disagree with the opinion of others. If you don’t like it you can change the channel, but you will probably not change the person or the opinion.

There are plenty more, but I’ll throw those in when appropriate.

So my opinion of the day involves religion. As you can probably tell by now, I have an opinion on religion, but that’s not the point. The point is if, how, when, and where I can express my opinion on religion, or for that matter, any topic? I’ll explain, but to do so I first need to tell you a story of three bears.

This is the story of Momma Bear, Bachelor Bear, and Baby Bear. In reality, all three probably know each other, but in no way are they related. They all grew up in the same town, but are now spread all over the country. I am friends with all three on Facebook. And that’s how the story starts.

It starts with Baby Bear, who several months back, declared in his status that he has no desire to hear anyone speak of religion. Everyone should, according to Baby Bear, keep their opinions to themselves. I had to chuckle at this. Isn’t Baby Bear expressing his opinion of other people’s opinion, which we are supposed to keep to ourselves?  Expanding on that, Baby Bear is quite often expressing his opinions on sports, the weather, music, holidays, people, colors, the periodic table of elements, and so on. His profile pic is full of pictures expressing his opinion of a major league baseball team.  So Baby Bear’s point seems to be, don’t post your religious comments on Facebook because he doesn’t want to read them. In light of all of the political and social opinions that I read on Facebook every day, that seems a little unrealistic, in my opinion.

Then there is Momma Bear and Bachelor Bear. Momma Bear is a Christian. Bachelor Bear is, according to his Facebook profile, an atheist/agnostic. I respect each of them for choosing to believe what they want, worship as they choose or not choose, and their desire to openly express their opinions. Momma Bear often posts scripture as her status. Bachelor Bear frequently posts articles/editorials focusing on anti-religious topics. His posts are usually reflective of the actions/beliefs of the ultra-conservative religious. Many of them I agree are shocking and portray unflattering pictures of various religious groups and movements (Topeka’s Rev Fred Phelps is a perfect example). Recently Bachelor Bear commented on Momma Bears scripture-based status, stating that if she were proselytizing on his doorstep, he would have the ability to close the door on her. In the social network world, he opted to “unfriend” her.  Knowing his religious stance, I can see why he did it, but it seems rather extreme, in my opinion.

Back to Baby Bear, who even more recently posted his desire to have his friends join him in church where they could enjoy the company of God's friends - Superman, the Tooth Fairy,  Wilma Flintstone, and other non-existent characters. One might conclude that Baby Bear was not expressing an opinion, and did indeed see those mythical characters in church that Sunday. One might even say that Baby Bear experienced this reality in the comforts of his own home.  I just think Baby Bear now finds it acceptable to post your opinion on religion. This is a nice change, in my opinion.

There’s plenty more to the story, but you get the idea. Social networking, if you believe the recent hit movie, was developed to connect with our friends; to share our thoughts, ideas, and experiences.  It would seem to me that there is an unwritten expectation that you won’t agree with everything that your friends post. If so, your friends list is either very small, very specific, or none of them post a thing. In that case, not a very rewarding experience, in my opinion.

So how are we to react in this socially connected world? I hope that this is an environment where you can appreciate what the other person is trying to express. If you want to take it one step farther, then try to explore that opinion a little deeper. Understanding an opposing opinion usually helps to strengthen the argument for your position, and who knows, maybe it will enlighten you a little bit in the process. That is a positive aspect of Facebook, in my opinion.

The downside is that in an environment based on written words, it is easy for people to mistakenly take it personally or become offended. I have to ask, do you really think that their intent is to offend anyone/everyone? I find that hard to believe. I believe that the intent is to either persuade anyone not holding a strong belief on a certain issue that their opinion is indeed the right opinion. Or maybe it is to simply share an interesting perspective with other friends who have similar beliefs. Either way, unfortunately, it often only pushes people away, and that’s too bad, in my opinion.

So why can’t we/shouldn’t we allow people to express their opinion on any and every topic? If you disagree, the options are plenty. You can choose to block them from showing up in your newsfeed, you can block them from seeing your posts, and if it is appropriate, you can choose to remove them as a friend. But you cannot deny them the right to express what is on their mind, but that’s my opinion.

So, at the end of the story, what happened to the three bears? They all lived happily ever after firmly holding on to their beliefs, or at least that’s my opinion.

The question – am I missing something?