Fat, Dumb, and Happy - Hopefully two out of three ain't bad.

I used to joke that I would die as a fat, bald, four-eyed man with a huge smile on my face. I was so darn happy, why change. But so as long as it doesn’t happen soon, I can scratch one of those off the list. I had Lasik, and love it. And who knows, maybe sometime in the near future, I can scratch one more of the list. But first, more on Lasik.

For years I had people all around me telling me that getting their eyes done was the best thing they have ever done. I can understand that. It would be nice to see the clock in the middle of the night and know how much longer I can sleep before I am rudely awakened by that familiar, annoying buzz.

And swimming! Wouldn’t it be great to see all the shapely things in their bikinis without fumbling for my glasses … (Oops, sorry honey.  I guess that wouldn’t be such a great thing after all, if I had to do it with two black eyes.)

And we are talking about my eyes here. Both of them are being worked on at the same time. What if the machine went all haywire and burned out the retina? True that I wouldn’t need glasses, but not quite what I had in mind. Hasta la vista my vision as well.

But the final straw came when I heard my brother tell me it was the best thing he ever did. Suddenly the reward outweighed the risk, and I decided to go for it. I pre-taxed the cost, and with the excellent eye insurance from work, I only had to pay a mere $2,400 out of pocket. Based on the cost of contacts, that is a whopping 6 year payback period. That would never clear most financial analyst’s approval for corporate capital expenditures. But you know what? It was the best thing I have ever done.

So today I would die a fat, bald man. But that may change. No, I am not getting a wig or a hair transplant. And I am fairly certain I am not a candidate for Rogaine. In fact, I like being bald. So many benefits. I think the logical direction is to address the fat. But I hate the word fat. To borrow a line from my friend Eric Cartman, “I’m not fat, I’m festively plump.”

So in the festive holiday season of New Year’s resolutions I am making a change. It’s not a diet, per se. It’s an alternative lifestyle. Alternative FOOD lifestyle, for you mind in the gutter dwellers. Losing weight is not rocket science. Control the food intake. Exercise away some stress. Lose a few pounds. Not too difficult, right?

Except for those little things, like beer. And wine. And French fries. And chocolate chip cookies. And butter on, well, just about everything thank you very much Ms. Paula Deen.

But that’s the old lifestyle. Out with the old, and in with the new. New attitude. New clothes. New me. Fortunately I have a house full of women joining me in this endeavor. They must really want me to succeed because none of them really need to lose weight. But as they point out, it’s not necessarily about losing weight, it’s about being healthy. So we all joined Loseit.com. It’s free, and I know for several friends, it’s worked. Hope in a few months I can tell you the same.

Wish me luck. And if you want to wish me luck in person, I’ll be at the gym. See you there?

You are hearby and forthwith notified to report...

A 28-year-old streak came to an end today. I received my first notice to report to jury duty.  I always thought I would like to be on a jury. But since everybody I know looks for ways to avoid it, I’m thinking it’s not the interesting experience I always hoped it would be. That’s ok; I’m still looking forward to serving.

Except for one thing – I’m scheduled to be there on a day that I’m also scheduled to travel back from a business trip tied to a college visit for Abbey. It wouldn’t be so bad except last week I bought Abbey’s plane ticket, and last night I cashed in hotel points for the free night. The free night I can probably get back without too much hassle. The airline ticket will cost me an arm and two legs to change.

The information I received with my notice makes no reference to what you should do if you are out of town on the date you are scheduled to serve. So I guess my civic duty is inclusive of any penalties in travel changes. I called the number I found on the web, and surprisingly I got voice mail. Surprisingly because I expected a busy signal or no answer. We’ll see if I get a call back.

Hopefully I can reschedule. And hopefully it will not be for the only other week I am scheduled to be out of town between now and 2065.

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Remembering Two Men I Respect – MLK and LDE

A man that I greatly respect once wrote “Be careful how high you put me on a pedestal. It’s all that much further to fall.” I’ll always remember the first time I experienced that concept. It was with my grandfather (mom’s side).  I will never forget the day when I saw the warts on the man that I thought was just about perfect. It seems rather fitting that I am thinking about this on the day that honors the memory of another man I greatly respect, the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Lloyd D Edwards was a Baptist Christian that was born and raised in the south.  He grew up in the depression, scratching to make a living. I don’t think he graduated high school. He did hold numerous, perhaps countless jobs. He was a border patrol officer and a policeman among others. But I remember him by what he did best. He was a salesman through and through. At the end of his working career he sold beer trucks. How awesome is that to a young impressionable high school student?

I remember that on one visit to his home in Durant, Oklahoma, he and I spent the day on the road as he was heading to the state prison for a prison ministry visit. He was trying to make a difference in the lives of men that made some bad decisions. As we were pulling out of town he pointed out a spot on the side of the road that was once the location of “the sign.” As he explained it, the sign was meant to keep his town of Durant a safe, God-fearing community free from trouble and no good.

Durant is a small town in Southeastern Oklahoma, just across the Texas border. It’s on Highway 75, which heading south will take you by Lake Texoma on the way to Dallas. Some say the best part of Durant is the new highway that takes you around it. But back in the day it went right through town. As you were driving in to town, you were met with the sign. The sign said, as my grandfather proudly told me that day, “(N word) don’t let the sun set on you in Durant.” Any African-American that ignored this warning was met with another warning that was sure to set a stronger impression.

As I heard my grandfather tell me this, I saw the first and probably only flaw the man had. My grandfather was a racist. This revelation had a huge impact on me. I was devastated. I later asked him how he could have such hatred for another man. His answer was brief – “That’s the way it is.” We never discussed it again.

Looking back his answer kind of makes sense to me. That was the culture he was raised in. He did not know anything else. This once poor, uneducated man that scraped his whole life to become a fairly well off man did not understand how wrong that was. In no way does this make it ok, but I try to understand it this way. He may have started to “get it” in his final years of living in the border town of Yuma, AZ. But despite all of that, all is not lost. His grandson gets it. As do his granddaughters. We have grown enough that we know to judge a man by his heart and not his skin.

I think we owe most of that to the other man I greatly respect. On the day we honor Martin Luther King, I still fondly remember my grandfather as a man I have always loved and respected. To me he is still pretty high on that pedestal. He stands there imperfect. His beliefs served to only steel my beliefs. I love him and I miss him. Because I chose not to share in his belief, I can do that.

Defriended? Unfriended? Any friends left?

So I picked up this blogging thing to bring some clarity to my convoluted mind. It’s helped and I’ve tried to have some fun with it. But having delivered a couple of tirades on a few somewhat controversial topics, the missus thinks I need to dial it back a bit. The missus is ALWAYS right. So as I try to lighten it up, maybe I will even open a window or two, and possibly close a few doors.

I start by saying that I think I am fairly technically savvy, and have come to fully embrace the Facebook experience. I know that that this not for everyone, and not everyone expects the same thing from the Facebook experience. What I find most intriguing about Facebook and social networking in general, is the effect on the human psyche.

Take Friend Requests, for example. Have you ever received a friend request from someone and said, “Who’s that?” So you start poking around their profile, like Sherlock Holmes, looking for clues. It may involve getting out the high school yearbook to see who they “were.” With a little luck you might get to say “Wow, they look really old/fat/bald/gray/(insert physical flaw here)!”  Or you swear that they have either had plastic surgery or are only posting really old photos.

So after uncovering enough evidence, you accept their friend request. Or on the flip side you realize you really didn’t like them 20+ years ago, and you deny their friend request. Or maybe you need to do a little more investigating, and so you send a message to a common friend asking who this person is, how you should know them, and should you accept their request? So for the meantime, you postpone taking any action on the request.

Or maybe you hate to disappoint or hurt anyone (or you really want your friends total really high so you can look/feel popular) and accept every friend request you receive. Did I mention I am intrigued by the inner workings of one’s mind?

But lately I have really been thinking about the other side of the friend request, which is “unfriending” or “defriending.” I recently read an article that discussed which is the right term. The best comment I read was that “unfriending” is removing someone from your friends list. “Defriended” is what can easily happen when they discover your action.

Have you ever unfriended anyone? Do you want to, but have not? November 17^th was declared National Unfriending Day by late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, who declared that friendship should be considered sacred. I think I was unfriended a few times that day. What’s funny is that I didn’t feel unfriended. No pain whatsoever. I was not really sure until recently when I realized I had not seen much from some friends, so I went to their profiles to see what’s going on. Yep, I was unfriended.  I decided to start poking around a little more to see what I am missing. Turns out it was more than a couple.

One was a very distant co-worker that I really was not that close with, had little in common with, and as I think about, couldn’t even tell you who originally friended who. No real loss there. Several others, same story.  We’re not friends anymore? Really? Since when? Was it on November 17^th? Before then?  How dare you unfriend me and I don’t even know it!  I’m sure if I really considered them a friend and could remember who sent who the friend the request to begin with that this would be bother me. But, … (hang on, I’m checking) Nope,... Nothing.  Question for the class: Am I alone in that I am surprised that this was not the hurtful, horrible experience I expected?

One was someone I went to grade school with, and was “unfriended”  since I posted my blog on Religion. Just so happens he was one of the three bears. I guess that when I surmised that no one I know actually reads the crap I post, I was wrong. Well, since he was one of the bears I don’t see eye to eye with, and he unfriended my wife despite a relationship via marriage, I can’t say that I’ll worry about that one much longer than, say, last week.

But, and this is where it gets interesting, two others no longer on my friends list are pastors at my church. (I should add that we have more than a couple of pastor at my church, and these two are husband and wife.) But still, that hurts. Did I offend them somehow and not know it?  I typically don’t care too much what others think of me, and it has served me well so far. But unfriended by my pastors?  I’ll assume that they still think I’m top shelf, as far as casual acquaintances go, but have taken to the recently popular trend of social withdrawal.

This trend involves reducing your friends list to limit access to your information, and to make the experience more manageable and enjoyable.  The way I understand it, each time you log on to Facebook, you unfriend five people until your friends list contains only people you really want to stay connected with. Another approach to the same ends is cancelling your account, going “silent and deep” for a few months, and then restarting with a private profile that no one can see. You seek out the people you really want to communicate with, and friend request them. That is, as long as they also have not also gone silent and deep, rendering them unfindable.

So why unfriend anyone at all? I can think of a few reasons why one might start thinking about it:

1.       Constant status updates (once an hour, or more).

2.       Pointless status updates, usually going beyond what they had for lunch.

3.       Constant game updates and notifications.

4.       Status seekers instead of status updaters.

5.       They are family, and I really don’t want my family knowing my social life.

The list could be 5 times that long, but you get the idea. My response would be – isn’t it much easier to block their feeds and notifications than potentially burn a bridge? I mean unless you really want to risk pissing someone off and are 110% certain that there is no chance that could possibly review your job /mortgage/loan application/tax return/(insert critical document requiring approval here), why not just cure the symptom instead of the cause.  In the end it’s a personal decision, and since Facebook is the ultimate personal web experience, I guess that makes sense.

And now the question, what am I missing?

With that question is an invitation to all my Facebook friends:  if I happen to fall into one of the categories on your Reasons to Unfriend List, then unfriend away! Life is too short to surround yourself people that don’t build you up and encourage you to be a better person. If my posts, or this blog, gives you reason to doubt my presence in your personal circle of trust, then I encourage you to vote me off the island. With over 500 friends, I must have pissed one of you off. So feel free to unfriend me and trust that I won’t be offended. No harm, no foul, no problem. No Christmas card or graduation announcement either, but I don’t think that will bother you too much.

Taking the SPEED of out "Speedy"

I love working out of my home office. It offers tremendous freedom; freedom to manage my own schedule and succeed in my job. If I am jammed with work, I can manage my family time and work time, and not have to drive 30 minutes each way to get work done. I can drop in the office any time of day, any day of the week; likewise, if I need to run out for an hour in the middle of the day, it’s really no big deal. At least a couple of days a week, I try to get out of the house, I mean office.

It’s not uncommon for me to run out to pick up a few things we need around the house. Today we needed lunch meat, bread, milk, Q-Tips, and cold tablets. Fortunately, Wal-Mart is just a hop skip and a jump away. Their deli meat is actually pretty good, and their baked bread and rolls are off the charts. Seriously! I am not kidding about this. You really need to try it before you start rolling on the floor laughing like that.

I know this may sound shocking as well, but this Wal-Mart is fairly easy to get in and out of between 11 and noon. So getting up there, picking up the necessities, and checking out is normally 30 minutes tops. Not so much today.

The check-out lines were pretty busy today. Fortunately the #1 express lane, also called “Speedy Checkout – 20 Items or Less,” only had 1 person in front me. Darn the luck. Or not.

The lady had approximately 30 items in her cart, not counting the screaming baby. That’s alright; it’ll still be quicker than the other lines. Or not.

The first 5 minutes went something like this:

1.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

2.      Argue with person on the phone.

3.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

4.      Fuss with screaming baby.

5.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

6.      Laugh at the person on the phone.

7.      Take 1 item out of the cart and put it on the belt.

8.      Pick pacifier off the floor and jam it back in baby’s mouth.

9.      Repeat steps 1 through 8.

Ok, I’ll admit this may not be 100% correct. I should correctly state that the 1 item on the belt at a time includes each egg from the container, and each soda from the package rather than a dozen eggs and a 12-pack as individual items. No exaggeration here. But even with all of that, I see the bottom of the cart eventually coming in to view. And then she digs in her purse, while talking on the phone, and fussing with the still screaming baby.

Out from the bottom of the purse she pulls a dozen clippings from the local grocery ads. You know, the ones that fall out of the paper every Wednesday. Coincidentally, they also fall out of her hands all over the floor. I guess that Wal-Mart honors competitors’ prices. All you need to do is bring in the ad that is valid for that week. The problem here is that she brought in only clippings of the items she is purchasing, not the entire ad. Now the only good thing that happens next is she finally hangs up the phone.

The clerk informed her that the rule book specifically states, in Article XIX, Paragraph 3, Section 21, that the shopper must present the entire competitor ad to be eligible for said price match offer. This is about the point where she whirls in to her Tasmanian Devil impersonation, which I must say is one of the best I have ever seen. She is demanding that a manager come over and tells that to her face, and that she shops here all the time and never had this problem before, and that this clerk must be new and not have a clue how things work.

Fast forward a few minutes to where she tells the clerk to remove the items he’s not going to price match from her cart, and remove them from her bill. Believe it or not, the other check-out lines have gotten longer. Meanwhile, I’m the only fool sticking it out in this line. Well I own this line just much as she does, and I’m not gonna let her get the best of me by making me load all my crap back in the little blue basket and go start over in another line. No way, no how.

So I gut it out the remaining 5 minutes while she juggles the cell phone that rang right after she tore in to the clerk, and tends to the still fussing baby, who is smelling pretty darn ripe right about now. As she pulls her shopping cart away from the checkout, I really wanted to applaud, both her performance and her departure.

Finally I get to checkout! YES! Now, imagine the look on my face when I realize I suffered one of the pitfalls of working from home. I forgot to put my wallet in my pocket prior to leaving for the office that morning. Awwww sssshhhhhhhhhut the fuhhhhhront door!

So in the end all that entertainment didn’t cost me a dime. And I get the pleasure of a return trip to the great performing stage that is Wal-Mart.

The Rejection in Being Accepted

One of the best and worst times in the life of a parent is when you ship the rug rats off to college. I’ll probably have to expand on this at a later date, but today I’m looking for feedback on how to proceed with a situation where I may have reached an impasse.

Abbey is in the final semester of high school and in the midst of the college search process. She is a fantastic writer (she gets it from me) and plans to major in Journalism. She is also considering a minor in either Spanish or Vocal Performance, two more of her gifts. She has applied to Missouri, Loyola-Chicago, and Northwestern. She has been accepted at Mizzou and Loyola, and we expect to hear back from Northwestern later this month.This is the first time we have done this college search thing, and maybe I’m wrong here, but this seems to be an entirely difference experience from I went to college 25 years ago.

Mizzou has been awesome to deal with. It's also the best Journalism school in the country. They invited Abbey to visit the campus to check out the Honors Program, and the admissions representative we are working with allowed us an hour on the phone to answer our questions.

Loyola, on the other hand, must be the Harvard of the Midwest, with people lining up at the boxing ring to duke it out for admission. I should say that as part of her acceptance, Abbey did receive a partial scholarship to ease the pain of a private college. This puts the cost in line with Mizzou. But the thing I’m struggling with is opening up a dialogue with the admissions representative. I know this guy exists, at least in a virtual world. His name and contact information appear on the Admissions Office web page.

In November I sent him an email asking if he could spare some time for a call phone call to answer some of our questions. Four weeks go by and we get no response. Over the Christmas holidays we were a few hours from Chicago, so we did a day trip drive in to the city so I could check out the campus. The admissions office was open, but our representative had the day off. Another admissions representative gave us about 20 minutes to answer some basic questions. He was great, and he said he’d have our representative contact us. A week goes by and I still have no response from this guy. So I call him and get his voicemail. I leave a polite message requesting a call back. That was a week ago.

Abbey would really like to take part in their upcoming Overnight Stay program where she’ll spend the night in a dorm and sit in on a class. Before I spend the money to do this, I’d really like to talk to this guy.

So today I sent the following email:

Hello (name withheld to protect the “innocent”),

Through prior email, campus visit, and phone call I have tried to reach you, but have been unsuccessful to date. I’m starting to take this personally, and I am thinking you just don’t like me. Usually it takes people a full hour of interaction to come to this conclusion. You are sharper than the rest, for sure.

Hopefully you can make this easy for me by falling back to the college days of multiple choice questions. Here it is:

I cannot meet your request for a conversation because:

A.    I am busy considering the pros and cons of the paper vs plastic debate, and do not have time for such nonsense.

B.    This request is out of our scope of supply, and will be subject to a change order in the amount of $112.56.

C.    You have not said the magic word.

D.    All of the above.

If you would please be so kind as to respond with one of the letters above, I can move on to the recovery process of rejection.

I would sincerely appreciate your response by tomorrow as it will help us determine if we should go to the expense of packing up the family truckster for a trip to Chicago on February 13^th.

Woefully yours,

Terrance M Tingle

Now maybe I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. (Maybe there is no maybe about it.) But I’m beginning to think that I’m not going to hear back from this guy. If that’s true, I’m trying to figure out what my options might be. Do I contact someone higher up the food chain? Do I accept the fact that I’m not going to have the chance to ask my questions? Do I tell Abbey that this guy is communicating to us that Loyola is a “I’m doing you a favor by letting you come here” kind of place, and that’s not a place where we’ll spend our money?

The question -am I missing something? Suggestions are appreciated. So are donations - this college thing is wicked expensive.


Postlogue - I received a call from the admissions rep about 6 hours after I sent the email. He apologized for not reaching me. Turns out he called me back. Or at least he thought he had. He had been dialing the wrong number and leaving a message on someone else's answering maching. Glad I took the humorous and not the hardball approach.

Spacey, Lambert, and does it matter?

Today’s opening clarifications:

1.       I think Kevin Spacey is an amazingly talented actor. His performances in “Glengarry,…” “Usual Suspects” and “American Beauty” were so good that I can forgive him for “Men Who Stare at Goats.”

2.       I do not think that Adam Lambert is all that talented, and I don’t care much for his music. His shrill can drive me up the wall. But that’s just me.

So who cares if Adam Lambert and Kevin Spacey are gay?

Someone recently asked me, “Did you think that Kevin Spacey is gay.” Actually, I haven’t thought it about it - at all. I guess that with the release of his new movie, the question is making headlines. I don’t think Spacey confirmed or denied it. I believe he is being conspicuously quiet about it, which only fuels the rumors.

I remember after he failed to take home the crown of “American Idol” Adam Lambert confirmed the rumors he is gay. It made headlines all over the place. You couldn’t escape the story.

I was not surprised by Lambert’s declaration. I wouldn’t be surprised if Spacey eventually announced the same. What surprises me is that this is news. Would it be news if I announced “I’m bald?” It’s as much of who I am as my heterosexuality, but neither will define me (I hope). I think it’s sad that our media chooses to make this headline news, and that our society chooses to buy it.

But then I am not gay, and I have no idea what it’s like to live the life of a gay man. I suspect it’s difficult. Probably very difficult. I suspect that as more celebrities come out, it slowly becomes less difficult. But that sad part is that I even have to think about it to realize this conclusion.

The question – am I missing something?

One More on the Arizona Shooting

As I read more and more friends weigh in on the Arizona shooting, the Palin map, and the vitriol of American politics, a few things come to mind:

1.  Opinions on politics are much like opinions on religion.
2. Some very smart people are saying some ignorant and/or close-minded things in response to this tragedy.
3. I find it ironic that people will rant and rave about the evils and dangers of the opposing party, and use the word vitriol.
4. As I listen to a “your map/my map" discussion on the 24 hour news channel, I think of two bullies on the playground poking each other in the eye. What’s the point of a “you are more worse than me” argument?
5. My passion does not belong to a political party. I used to think that maybe I was missing something, but after seeing all of the above, I am ok with that.

As for the shooting suspect, I hope he starts talking soon so the “did the political hate talk” or the “did the Palin map drive him to it” questions can be answered. Maybe then we can go back to doing nothing about the things that really matter, like the national debt.

Arizona shooting is a society issue, not a political one

I’m writing this to try to sort through the thoughts bouncing around in my head around the horrible shooting of US Representative Gabrielle Giffords and the murder of US District Judge John Roll and five other innocent bystanders. This is my 3^rd attempt at putting this on paper, such is the extent of the effect that this is having on me.

I’ll start by discussing Congresswoman Giffords, as it appears she was the primary target. I admit I was not really familiar with her prior to yesterday. The more I learn about her, the more I like her. Our views are much more similar than they are different, despite the difference in our political party affiliations. I hope that she will survive so that she might continue to try to make a difference.

As for our party affiliations, that’s where I think the problem starts. All day yesterday I was watching my Facebook newsfeed as people weighed in on the tragedy. Sadly, a strong majority were casting blame on various political figures and political organizations. I tried to filter through the noise to get to a conclusion, but was unable to do so.  I saw the news articles highlighting Sarah Palin’s target map. We could spend all day debating whether or not Palin is a nut job, but then we would have figure out how to fill the other 23 ½ hours. But Palin is not the problem. Palin is a symptom of the problem.

I think that as more unfolds about the gunman, we will learn that Palin’s map did not drive the man to go on a shooting rampage. It may have been a minor factor, but only one small piece of the puzzle. All indications are that the suspect is unstable, perhaps even mentally insane or incompetent. When you are dealing with mentally unstable people, anything and everything is possible.  Who knows what sets off someone who suffers from mental illness? History shows that the unpredictable is often to blame. It may have been fueled by health care reform. It may have been immigration related. Who knows, maybe it is not even political, and maybe the guy just tripped. It's still early, and we still have a lot to uncover around what happened.

 I was watching “Meet the Press” this morning, and David Gregory was discussing the story with a panel of US Representatives from both parties, one of whom was the Rev. Emmanual Cleaver. Cleaver is a United Methodist Minister, former Mayor of Kansas City, and now a member of the US House of Representatives. This 15 minute segment was, perhaps, the best presentation of an issue I have seen on the US media. Ever! In summary, the panel seemed to agree that the US political party system is guilty of creating a society where it is acceptable, if not expected, to demonize the opposing side. This creates a society that is divisive, and full of conflict. What I found ironic is that the media plays a huge part in promulgating this divisiveness. Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, Bill O’Reilly, and Michael Moore are among the many. This has created a society where most any and every issue is tried on the political stage, with the opposing viewpoints shouting and pointing fingers of blame.

That is why I think this is a society issue, not a political one. We are a society that lives on blame. It’s never our fault, and if it is, then it’s because of something someone else did that drove us to it. I’d love to spend another few hundred words describing how we can fix this problem. Truth is I don’t think we can. It would involve taking a little responsibility for our own actions. I don’t think anyone is ready for that.

What's that in your pants?

Today I received my Kansas Concealed and Carry license. Before you start patting me down before I enter your house, be aware that I am not sure when I would carry a concealed weapon. Right now, I just can’t see a scenario where I would need to. But if that situation ever arises, I’ll be packin’ heat.

So if I don’t know if and when I will carry, why get the permit? Simple, because I have the right to. If I ever get to the point where people start reading this site, I expect that this comment may generate a few responses, and that’s great. I admit that a few years back I could never see myself even owning a gun. But a few things changed.

First, my father-in-law passed away. Prior to passing he let me know he wanted me to have his .38 special. I guess he took one look at me and figured I really needed a way to protect his daughter and granddaughters. So I took his request literally and had my brother-in-law (and great friend) Jim hold on to the gun for me. I guess I always expected I would actually own it, but didn’t see that day happening soon.

But that day did happen soon. President Barack Obama took office. I’ll admit that as he ran for office I didn’t exactly dislike the guy. He seemed likable, and he kept Billary out of the White House, which was fine with me. He also struck me as a bit moderate on many issues. But after the election and as he started moving forward with some of his socialist policies, many Americans feared that gun ownership laws would tighten or go away, and gun sales went through the roof. Ammunition sales increased even more. I became convinced that although it was remote and years away, it was a realistic possibility. So I reached out to my friend, Jim.

Jim is a tremendous guy. One of the coolest guys I know. He is one of those guys that knows just about everybody, and is friend to all. One of the few other guys I know like this is his brother, David. Jim just happens to be a certified instructor for a Concealed and Carry License in Kansas, Utah, and Florida. I took the course and was very impressed. The content is everything from handgun safety, laws around protection and self-defense, and even shows a video of a person describing how he had to kill a man to protect himself and his wife, and the affect that had on him. Pretty impactful. To pass the course, there is a written test and range qualification to prove you can actually hit what you are aiming at. I was hoping the target would be an abandoned Boeing 747 and I didn’t have to be more than 10 feet away.

A quick time out for this commercial break: If you live on the Kansas side of the Kansas City metropolitan area, and are interested in obtaining a Kansas CCHL, or if you live in Kansas or Missouri and would like a Utah or Florida license, please let me know. Jim is an A+ instructor and gives a nice discount to referrals from me. Not so much as he really likes me, but I am married to his sister, so that counts for something. If you need a handgun to use for the range qualifications, Jim will take care of that, as well. And now, back to our show.

Believe it or not, I successfully passed the course and received my required course completion certificate. Following the due diligence of the application process, I received approval to obtain the permit.

Today I have it, and I respect the responsibility that comes with it. Just as important I respect the rights and freedom that it conveys. The freedom to own a personal protection weapon is a wonderful thing, and I hope that this freedom is not diminished by future political or social agendas. That would not be a wonderful thing, for any of us, regardless of your beliefs. Because if the government can take away this right, then what’s next?

And now the question – what am I missing?

The Religion of the Three Bears

Before I post my first official blog, I would like to clarify a few things:

1.  I write to clear my mind, to try to clarify my thoughts, or to seek input from others to help me understand the “other” side of a topic.

2.  I always welcome comments, but if they get personal, belligerent or offensive, I will delete them. I am not the US Government, and therefore I can trust in God and I can censor anything I choose. Please don’t make me.

3.  Religion (Christianity) is an important part of my life.

4.  My religious beliefs do not require me to check my brain at the door.

5.  In addition to the freedom of religion, people also have the right to be ignorant. It is not expressly stated in the Constitution, but implied in various places. Do not even try to deny them this right. This applies to the religious and non-religious.

6.  Everyone has the right to express their opinion, and disagree with the opinion of others. If you don’t like it you can change the channel, but you will probably not change the person or the opinion.

There are plenty more, but I’ll throw those in when appropriate.

So my opinion of the day involves religion. As you can probably tell by now, I have an opinion on religion, but that’s not the point. The point is if, how, when, and where I can express my opinion on religion, or for that matter, any topic? I’ll explain, but to do so I first need to tell you a story of three bears.

This is the story of Momma Bear, Bachelor Bear, and Baby Bear. In reality, all three probably know each other, but in no way are they related. They all grew up in the same town, but are now spread all over the country. I am friends with all three on Facebook. And that’s how the story starts.

It starts with Baby Bear, who several months back, declared in his status that he has no desire to hear anyone speak of religion. Everyone should, according to Baby Bear, keep their opinions to themselves. I had to chuckle at this. Isn’t Baby Bear expressing his opinion of other people’s opinion, which we are supposed to keep to ourselves?  Expanding on that, Baby Bear is quite often expressing his opinions on sports, the weather, music, holidays, people, colors, the periodic table of elements, and so on. His profile pic is full of pictures expressing his opinion of a major league baseball team.  So Baby Bear’s point seems to be, don’t post your religious comments on Facebook because he doesn’t want to read them. In light of all of the political and social opinions that I read on Facebook every day, that seems a little unrealistic, in my opinion.

Then there is Momma Bear and Bachelor Bear. Momma Bear is a Christian. Bachelor Bear is, according to his Facebook profile, an atheist/agnostic. I respect each of them for choosing to believe what they want, worship as they choose or not choose, and their desire to openly express their opinions. Momma Bear often posts scripture as her status. Bachelor Bear frequently posts articles/editorials focusing on anti-religious topics. His posts are usually reflective of the actions/beliefs of the ultra-conservative religious. Many of them I agree are shocking and portray unflattering pictures of various religious groups and movements (Topeka’s Rev Fred Phelps is a perfect example). Recently Bachelor Bear commented on Momma Bears scripture-based status, stating that if she were proselytizing on his doorstep, he would have the ability to close the door on her. In the social network world, he opted to “unfriend” her.  Knowing his religious stance, I can see why he did it, but it seems rather extreme, in my opinion.

Back to Baby Bear, who even more recently posted his desire to have his friends join him in church where they could enjoy the company of God's friends - Superman, the Tooth Fairy,  Wilma Flintstone, and other non-existent characters. One might conclude that Baby Bear was not expressing an opinion, and did indeed see those mythical characters in church that Sunday. One might even say that Baby Bear experienced this reality in the comforts of his own home.  I just think Baby Bear now finds it acceptable to post your opinion on religion. This is a nice change, in my opinion.

There’s plenty more to the story, but you get the idea. Social networking, if you believe the recent hit movie, was developed to connect with our friends; to share our thoughts, ideas, and experiences.  It would seem to me that there is an unwritten expectation that you won’t agree with everything that your friends post. If so, your friends list is either very small, very specific, or none of them post a thing. In that case, not a very rewarding experience, in my opinion.

So how are we to react in this socially connected world? I hope that this is an environment where you can appreciate what the other person is trying to express. If you want to take it one step farther, then try to explore that opinion a little deeper. Understanding an opposing opinion usually helps to strengthen the argument for your position, and who knows, maybe it will enlighten you a little bit in the process. That is a positive aspect of Facebook, in my opinion.

The downside is that in an environment based on written words, it is easy for people to mistakenly take it personally or become offended. I have to ask, do you really think that their intent is to offend anyone/everyone? I find that hard to believe. I believe that the intent is to either persuade anyone not holding a strong belief on a certain issue that their opinion is indeed the right opinion. Or maybe it is to simply share an interesting perspective with other friends who have similar beliefs. Either way, unfortunately, it often only pushes people away, and that’s too bad, in my opinion.

So why can’t we/shouldn’t we allow people to express their opinion on any and every topic? If you disagree, the options are plenty. You can choose to block them from showing up in your newsfeed, you can block them from seeing your posts, and if it is appropriate, you can choose to remove them as a friend. But you cannot deny them the right to express what is on their mind, but that’s my opinion.

So, at the end of the story, what happened to the three bears? They all lived happily ever after firmly holding on to their beliefs, or at least that’s my opinion.

The question – am I missing something?

Captain's Log - Day 0

I like to write. I find it cathartic. For me it's kind of like shooting at the Bullet Hole with my Springfield Armory XD9 sub-compact handgun, although not as destructive and not as expensive. Although if I wrote everything I thought, it could be worse on both accounts.


I like to do a lot of things. Some I am fairly good at, like cooking. Some I wish I was good at it, like golfing. And some I need to never, ever do under any circumstances, like singing. My favorite things to do are hang out with the love of my life, and be a father to two amazing kids. I know that everyone thinks that they have amazing kids. I get it. But I also feel sorry for them, because my kids define amazing. Sorry, but that's the way it is. (Didn't I just say I shouldn't write everything I think?)


And so here I am. Attempting a blog. My wife actually encouraged me start it. I'm glad she did. I hope to use this to share a thing or two that I create in the kitchen, or spark a conversation on a topic I am struggling with. I'll warn you that I may stray from my grandfather’s advice to avoid talking politics and religion with friends. But then I would have to assume that I have friends that actually read this silly blog. That may be a stretch.


So as I look ahead, I see a few topics bubbling to the top. One is friends (nice segue, eh?) and Facebook. Another is "what is an opinion?" I also want to weigh in on "Don't ask, Don't tell." I may also ramble on about sports, money, and cars if the testosterone kicks in. But who knows. Whatever it is, I'll try to keep it funny and optimistic. I tend to keep things light, and I tend to see more gray than black and white. I also hope that the Risible Millenarian is more than a title I came up with on a whim. I hope it becomes a way of life.